Parenting an adolescent can often feel like navigating a tightrope between supporting your child’s growing independence and guiding them toward long-term success. Conflicts in parent-adolescent relationships often stem from mismatched expectations and differing values, which can create friction when both parties are working toward different goals. To better understand this dynamic, we can apply the Expectancy-Value Theory of Motivation, originally proposed by Martin Fishbein in the 1970s … a “tried and true” framework.
What is Expectancy-Value Theory?
At its core, the Expectancy-Value Theory suggests that behavior is driven by two key factors:
Expectancy: The belief that one will succeed in achieving a goal.
Value: The importance placed on that goal.
In other words, people are motivated to engage in behaviors when they believe they will be successful and when the goal is meaningful to them. When applied to parent-adolescent relationships, this theory provides a useful framework for understanding how differing expectations and values can sometimes get in the way of harmony.
How Expectations and Values Shape Behavior
Both parents and adolescents are goal-oriented. Parents often have specific expectations for their children’s behavior, believing these goals will set them up for future success. This might include things like getting good grades, developing responsibility, or adhering to family rules. Adolescents, on the other hand, are navigating their own developmental goals, which often center around autonomy, social acceptance, and exploring their personal identity.
Here’s where the friction can occur:
Expectancy (Belief in Success): Parents may believe that enforcing discipline or setting high standards will help their adolescent succeed in life. For example, they might expect that pushing their child to excel in academics will lead to a successful career.
Adolescents, however, may not always share this belief. If they feel overwhelmed by the pressure or don’t think they can meet their parents’ expectations, their motivation to comply drops. Alternatively, they may expect that asserting their independence, even by defying rules, will bring them the autonomy they desire.
Value (Importance of Goals): Parents typically place high value on long-term goals like education, safety, and moral development. They believe that achieving these goals will secure a positive future for their child.
Adolescents, on the other hand, are often more focused on immediate goals that align with their developmental needs. Social belonging, self-expression, and gaining independence tend to take center stage during this time. For them, adhering to parental expectations might seem less valuable compared to forming friendships or pursuing personal interests.
Why Do Conflicts Arise?
Conflicts between parents and adolescents often occur when there’s a mismatch in expectancy or value:
Mismatch in Expectancy: Parents may believe their guidance will lead to success, while adolescents may not share the same optimism. For instance, a parent might think that strict academic discipline is the path to success, while the adolescent feels it’s an unattainable goal, leading them to resist.
Differing Values: Parents often prioritize long-term goals, such as career success or financial stability, while adolescents might place more importance on short-term goals, such as spending time with friends or exploring new interests. When parents don’t acknowledge the importance of these immediate goals, adolescents can feel misunderstood, causing tension.
An Example: The Part-Time Job Dilemma
Let’s consider a common scenario: A parent encourages their adolescent to get a part-time job to build responsibility (high expectancy and value for the parent). The adolescent, however, might not see the immediate value in this goal, as they prioritize social connections or academic performance. If they don’t expect success or don’t find the job meaningful, their motivation will be low. This can lead to frustration on both sides; parents may feel like their child is unmotivated, while the adolescent may feel pressured to meet expectations that don’t resonate with them.
Finding Harmony: Bridging the Expectancy-Value Gap
Understanding the different perspectives that parents and adolescents hold can help reduce conflict and promote well-being in the relationship. Here are a few strategies to bridge the gap between expectations and values:
Open Communication: One of the most effective ways to align expectations is through open and empathetic communication. Parents and adolescents need to express their goals and the reasons behind them. When parents and adolescents openly discuss what they want to achieve, they can find common ground and work toward mutually beneficial goals.
Aligning Expectancy and Value: Adolescents may not always see the value in their parents’ expectations. Helping them understand how certain behaviors, such as developing responsibility through a part-time job, can lead to greater independence and more freedom can increase their motivation. When both expectancy (belief in success) and value (importance of the goal) are aligned, adolescents are more likely to engage positively.
Support and Guidance: Adolescents can often feel overwhelmed by the expectations placed on them. Providing support, breaking down tasks into smaller, manageable steps, and offering encouragement can increase their belief in their ability to succeed (expectancy), which in turn can enhance their motivation.
Conclusion
Parent-adolescent relationships are often shaped by the expectations and values that each party holds. By applying the Expectancy-Value Theory of Motivation, parents can gain insight into why conflicts arise and how to address them. Through open communication, understanding each other’s perspectives, and aligning goals, parents and adolescents can foster a more harmonious relationship—one that supports both personal growth and long-term success.
By recognizing that both parents and adolescents are motivated by different values and expectations, we can create a path toward mutual understanding and well-being in the relationship.